Family Party
The family party turned out fine. I got to spend time talking to all the people I really like, and the people that I worry are going to drop guilt-bombs on me ("why don't you call your dad? What's the matter with you ungrateful kids?") didn't drop them. In fact, who even knows if those people are thinking that? It could all be my own projection.
This party was much bigger than previous years; I bet there were 50-60 people there. The party is for my paternal grandfather and his siblings' families. My grandfather has 4 kids and 6 grandchildren. His brother has an even smaller brood: 2 children and 2 grandchildren. His sister, however, had a bigger number of kids....and this is the part of the family I'm most distant from, so I can't give you numbers. Let's say 6 kids, although her family didn't have a lot of kids from that point on. Her number of grandchildren is small, although they seem to want to give her a gigantic number of great-grandchildren.
It's a not small but not big group. Two interesting dynamic I was observing with my aunts:
1.) On my grandfather's sister's side, the grandchildren (i.e., my generation) have already become prolific in their childbearing, but we've got nothing going on on our side. Of course, in observing this, one has to look directly at me, as I'm the 35-year-old oldest grandchild, and the next one in line is only 27, and I should have started shooting out the kiddies a long time ago. The 27 year old and I both wrinkled up our noses at the thought that we should be childbearing to please our families.
I have to wonder if something cultural is going on. Are people in their 20s and 30s dividing strongly into two camps--those who really want to have kids and those who really don't care so much about it? And if that divide is happening (and I do see it among my friends; people are either feeling rah-rah-rah I really want to have babies or they are feeling "oh well, I don't feel the need much"), why?
2.) At the same time, there are a lot of couples in the family--particularly in the child generation (i.e., my parents/aunts/uncle's generation)--who did not have children. I'm even more curious about this dynamic: is it cultural or is it evidence of increased biological difficulty in pregnancy? Can I look to my family for evidence of other people who have had the same problems I'm having? Or a trend of problems, at least? Or did a lot of people in my family just decide not to have kids? If it was just a decision, does our family makeup reflect other average (urban) family makeups right now?
My aunt, such a smarty-pants, made great observations. On the comparing our family to other families (in order, especially, to answer the cultural vs. environmental/biological issue), she suggested the real test would be looking at a similar rural family. Traditional farming families are big, and cultural change might come more slowly there. If there are a lot of childless couples in those families, it might be a biological change. If there aren't, then perhaps we are seeing a cultural shift.
My aunt, a lawyer now but previously a science teacher and a veterinarian wannabe, also suggested that as populations of animals get larger, they naturally shut down childbearing. We may be seeing the results of a large population. Same-sex pairings increase when a population of animals is high (what an interesting fact!), as do biological issues that make reproduction impossible. Our family may just be an example of nature doing her work in a crowded environment of humans.
This party was much bigger than previous years; I bet there were 50-60 people there. The party is for my paternal grandfather and his siblings' families. My grandfather has 4 kids and 6 grandchildren. His brother has an even smaller brood: 2 children and 2 grandchildren. His sister, however, had a bigger number of kids....and this is the part of the family I'm most distant from, so I can't give you numbers. Let's say 6 kids, although her family didn't have a lot of kids from that point on. Her number of grandchildren is small, although they seem to want to give her a gigantic number of great-grandchildren.
It's a not small but not big group. Two interesting dynamic I was observing with my aunts:
1.) On my grandfather's sister's side, the grandchildren (i.e., my generation) have already become prolific in their childbearing, but we've got nothing going on on our side. Of course, in observing this, one has to look directly at me, as I'm the 35-year-old oldest grandchild, and the next one in line is only 27, and I should have started shooting out the kiddies a long time ago. The 27 year old and I both wrinkled up our noses at the thought that we should be childbearing to please our families.
I have to wonder if something cultural is going on. Are people in their 20s and 30s dividing strongly into two camps--those who really want to have kids and those who really don't care so much about it? And if that divide is happening (and I do see it among my friends; people are either feeling rah-rah-rah I really want to have babies or they are feeling "oh well, I don't feel the need much"), why?
2.) At the same time, there are a lot of couples in the family--particularly in the child generation (i.e., my parents/aunts/uncle's generation)--who did not have children. I'm even more curious about this dynamic: is it cultural or is it evidence of increased biological difficulty in pregnancy? Can I look to my family for evidence of other people who have had the same problems I'm having? Or a trend of problems, at least? Or did a lot of people in my family just decide not to have kids? If it was just a decision, does our family makeup reflect other average (urban) family makeups right now?
My aunt, such a smarty-pants, made great observations. On the comparing our family to other families (in order, especially, to answer the cultural vs. environmental/biological issue), she suggested the real test would be looking at a similar rural family. Traditional farming families are big, and cultural change might come more slowly there. If there are a lot of childless couples in those families, it might be a biological change. If there aren't, then perhaps we are seeing a cultural shift.
My aunt, a lawyer now but previously a science teacher and a veterinarian wannabe, also suggested that as populations of animals get larger, they naturally shut down childbearing. We may be seeing the results of a large population. Same-sex pairings increase when a population of animals is high (what an interesting fact!), as do biological issues that make reproduction impossible. Our family may just be an example of nature doing her work in a crowded environment of humans.
posted by Julie at 9:50 AM
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